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Something about My lifeWhen I got baptized at the church in Tokyo, I was twelve years old. That day was the last day of the 4th ~ 6th grade conference and one brother in Christ asked us to come up front if we hadn't gotten baptized yet and wanted to be baptized. So I went to the front and we sang a few songs in a very living way. I believed in Jesus and I was so happy, even though I didn't fully understand what was going on there. A few years later I started junior high school. I still went to the church meetings every other week or once a month. But every time I was in a meeting, I just sat in the back row and talked with friend or slept. I was not interested in the church meeting at all. I went to the meeting because I could meet Christian brothers who were two or three years older than I was. They were really taking care of me, and I really liked them. There was something different about them from my friends in school. They played sports, video games, and watched movies, but also they loved the Lord in a healthy way. This attracted me to follow them. After a few years I became a high schooler. That age was tough. I was engaged in a lot of worldly things. I still went to church meetings, but not as often as before. I questioned why I should go to the church meetings. What was my purpose in going? I was kind of lukewarm to the church. When I was a senior in high school, a very shocking thing happened in my life. That day was just a normal, ordinary day. I woke up, ate breakfast, rode the same train, went to the same school and the same classroom. I didn't notice my best friend was not there. When our teacher came, he told us that my best friend was riding a motor cycle, was crushed by a bus, and died. I couldn't understand why my teacher said this. I believed that every day was the same and routine. I knew that some people died in traffic accidents, but that was not part of my world until that day. Even right now I still miss him. I felt that part of my being was missing. I had a big hole in my heart. At that time, I was 17 years old. I wasn't mature enough to receive that fact of his death. So somehow I thought that “ God didn't protect my best friend, and my comfortable small world. God took him, He killed my friend.” I was just in the midst of confusion in my mind. Then I declared to God that “ I don't believe You anymore. Rather, I hate You. You've never appeared to me, nor saved me. You are not real.” From that day I totally stopped going to the church meetings or doing anything related to God. I was in a darkness. I also stopped having contact with friends in the church. They called me often but I never answered them. Almost a year later I still wasn't going to the church meetings, but time was healing my heart. I was getting over my friend's death, but I still did not have peace within my heart. My conscience bothered me a lot, but at that time, I just did not know how I could restore my joy or peace. I think I knew that I wanted the love of God, and sweet fellowship with the brothers I used to meet with, but I just could not admit this. I had a huge, thick shell over my mind and emotion. I was so miserable. When I was depressed, one brother called me, and I finally opened to talk to him. At that time I was still not willing to open up my situation to him but somehow I asked him to meet me. So the next week I went to his house to have fellowship. I was still afraid to open up my situation because I had offended the Lord. How could I say that I wanted to be forgiven? I couldn't open my mouth, so we just sat down at first. But by the Lord's mercy, after 30~40 minutes, I gradually started to open up my situation to him. While I spoke of what had happened to me in the past year, I was weeping, and the thick shell that had covered my heart was broken! He suggested that I pray. I just confessed my sin with tears. When I prayed to the Lord, I was forgiven. Our God is so merciful and so faithful. He never forsook me; I just thought I was forsaken, but in God's eyes I was just like the prodigal son in Luke 15, verses 11-32. I was baptized at age twelve, but I can say that I touched God's love on that day. This is my salvation story. Whatever I feel and whatever will happen in my life, I will love the Lord for the rest of my life, because He is love and He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Nakai Nobu | Back to List |
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